Stuff Swingers Don’t Say

Stuff Swingers Don't Say

Apparently their penises are really, really big.

It’s hard to not out yourself as swingers sometimes. There are just some things you don’t react to in the same way regular folk do. In order to not arouse suspicion, I find myself pretending to be outraged at things that I know societal norms expect me to find outrageous. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not cagily hiding my lifestyle but I don’t need the school mums getting wind of what I get up to on the weekends. Still, in the interest of keeping things private I end up saying stuff swingers don’t say.

These are vanilla people comments. Don’t you agree?

“The lights are definitely off during sex.”

Hmmm… I have no issue with a dark room if it’s full of naughty people playing ‘Guess Who?’.

“Who on earth wears those crotchless knickers from Bras n Things?”

*puts hands up* Seriously though, we know there are more hardcore lingerie being worn around town ?

“My friend said she’s slept with more than twenty guys. I think she’s got a problem.”

Male or female? I don’t think we keep count do we? Or care.

“I can’t imagine why people would want to make a sex tape or take nude selfies.”

It’s fun to share.

“Porn is disgusting. I would divorce Scott if I caught him watching porn.”

Like it or hate it, we don’t judge. As long as it’s good porn.

“I had no idea stuff in Fifty Shades of Grey actually happens. I’ve lived such a sheltered life”

Yes you have.

“I wonder if it’s true what they say about black guys.”

Ever heard of ‘BBC’? And we’re not talking about UK television.

“I really didn’t like the way the waitress was flirting with Richard. He’s twice her age for Pete’s sake.”

Poor Richard. That was probably the biggest thrill he’s had since that waitress was born.

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