My husband and I went out to a mini swingers social in the city the other night. It was organised by a couple who we met some time ago from RedHotPie and had hoped to catch up with again. Unfortunately we’re all so busy that it can take months to organise a night out. This drinks night was a great idea!
Other than us, eight other couples turned up which was just perfect. The right amount of people to get some great conversation going. All the couples were also on RedHotPie and it turned out we had exchanged messages with a few of them. We apologised profusely to each other for not making a date happen.
Over the course of the night, we all talked about how hard it was to actually meet people. The two newbie couples in our group said they were willing and able but they could never find a couple who would or could actually set a time to meet them. The rest of us were more experienced with online dating but still agreed. Why was it so hard to meet other swingers other than at clubs and parties?
Swingers dating sites make it easy for us to find people but as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. So what can we do to convert all those sexy contacts into even sexier dates?
Make the effort
Firstly, the drinks night alone answered the above question. Effort. If that one couple didn’t set aside some time from their busy schedule and make the effort the other night, none of us would have met each other. The internet doesn’t help in that we are lulled into thinking that things will just happen if we hang out online. We’re meeting people right? Not really. It’s so easy to send a message or two but much harder to commit to making a date happen. If you really want to meet people, then you have to commit to a date and see who else is in the same boat (RedHotPie’s DateFinder makes this easy). Alternatively focus on one or two couples who are similar minded and will keep to a date. Either way, you need to look at swingers dating as a project, make some time for it and do what you can to make it work.
Don’t get into endless chats
You may feel the need to gauge how compatible you are with a couple before committing to a date but exchanging endless messages or getting into long chats for days will more than likely just result in both of you staying home on a Saturday night. Chatting online may seem like you’re making meaningful contact but all you’re doing is using up bandwidth. If you have to use Apps like Kik or WhatsApp then limit your chats to one or two sessions. Where possible, go the old fashioned way and trade phone numbers and (shock, horror!) call each other. If you’re worried about privacy, get a play phone or play SIM to interact with swingers. A conversation between the ladies or all four of you is a positive step towards actually meeting. Asking ‘What are you up to?’ before trading nude selfies every night isn’t. Most couples also find that people inexplicably disappear on chat Apps once the initial exchanges lose momentum. It’s that false sense of already having met (when you haven’t of course…).
Keep it social and pressure free
I think many couples are afraid of committing to dates for fear of having to play with the other party. Not true! If you’re reasonably attracted to a couple’s online profile then just bite the bullet and set a date. However, make the decision to keep it social and tell the other couple that you’d prefer not to play on the first date. Enjoy meeting them without the pressure of worrying about sex and compatibility. If you get along great, you can always change your mind but if you think you’d like to think about it, then you have that option. Of course there will be couples who are too time poor to go on a social date but that’s up to you to decide if that alone is a reason to not meet such couples. This is about what you both want out of the swingers lifestyle. If you want to meet people then it’s completely fine to do it without playing right away.
Or… Be straight-up and go for gold
On the flipside, if you are that couple who is time poor, then don’t be afraid to be upfront about your intention for fear of turning off a percentage of people. Be blunt about your desire to meet another hot couple for a great night of sex. If you write an assertive profile that clearly explains what you want, you will attract other couples who are on the exact same page. Being a confident and/or experienced swinging couple means that you know if the vibe isn’t right that you can extract yourself from the situation. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want if you know for sure that you want to cut to the case and shag. If there are couples who aren’t sure about what they want from the lifestyle then they’ll give your profile a wide berth, which isn’t a bad thing at all!