Have You Been Swingers Friend-Zoned?
“Jake and I met the most amazing couple last year. We’d only been swinging for a year but we weren’t exactly newbies at that stage. Certainly, by the time we met Alex and Sara, we knew exactly what we wanted out of the swinging lifestyle, and as far as we were concerned, A & S were on the same page and pretty much the perfect swinging friends. We met up almost every weekend for marathon swinging sessions.
We were really into A & S so admittedly we didn’t bother meeting too many other couples. After six months, we could barely hold A & S down for a date. They suddenly seemed too busy for all-nighters. They apologised profusely and offered to meet up for dinner in the city to catch up, since they missed our company. We had a few dinner dates which were fun but as Alex had to be up early for work, play never happened. Jake and I started wondering if we had done something wrong. We figured they were taking a break from swinging but we found out they hooked up with mutual friends recently. What the?”
You’ve been friend-zoned, baby!
It happens to us all. You meet a hot couple that ticks all the boxes for you both sexually and socially. You have deliciously dirty sex sessions every other weekend and even plan a naughty holiday together. After a few months however, the sessions become fewer and further between. Suddenly you don’t hear from them much anymore and if you run into each other at an event or swingers club, the reception is friendly but definitely not sexy.
Before you check the expiry date of your deodorant, this isn’t about you or how sexy you are. It might feel like rejection but there’s nothing unusual about a couple losing that sexual buzz for people they’ve gotten to know over time. Think about it. If you were single and had a one night stand, would you keep sleeping with that person if it wasn’t going anywhere? The first few shags may have been hot but gradually, as you get to know the person as a friend, you might be tempted to seek new sexual adventures.
Don’t get me wrong. Many couples successfully maintain a monogamous play relationship but most of us do enjoy the variety that swinging is known for. The thrill of meeting new couples is one of the reasons swingers stay in the lifestyle. Tackling unchartered territory is a horny and exciting adventure. Sadly for some people, staying in a swinging comfort zone just doesn’t do it for them.
So how do you prevent getting friend-zoned? Unless you and your partner are specifically seeking just one other couple to play with, fill your diary up with lots of sexy dates: with other people. You may get along with one couple more than others but try and mix things up. Give other people a chance or find opportunities to mingle with your favourite couple alongside new couples. Sometimes taking the focus off being a foursome will keep things spicy.
If it’s too late and you find yourself no longer getting invites up to their apartment on Saturday nights, then don’t feel bad. You definitely shouldn’t take it personally but what you should do is move on. Over time you’ll discover that there are lots of very cool people out there who may even be a better fit for you and your partner. Eventually you can always host a sexy party for couples and casually invite your old friends to it. You might ignite the sexy fire again, or find that you can indeed have fun with other people and no longer care.